Cocoa Cracker

Friday, June 30, 2006

It's hard to make a comeback...

when you haven't been anywhere! Does anybody else think that's as funny as I do? I got an e-mail from a "bud" 'o mine who sent me a bunch of restroom signs, but this, "it's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere" was actually written in the grime on the back of a city bus... I had to share because I thought it was funny... what clever "graffittiphiles" we have around, eh? I also liked this particular restroom sign in a ladies restroom in Texas, "if it has tires or testicles, it's gonna cause problems." Feeling 'awfully glad' that it's Friday and wishing I had asked for Monday off to make a 4-day weekend... but we have a skeleton crew working, so I don't dare ask for it off now... :( I'll be back on sometime this weekend, just felt like posting this!

Posted JDaaris @ 9:07 AM :: 3 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Monday, June 26, 2006

Feeling disconnected

OK, so I'm feeling disconnected... I'm beginning to wonder if I'm living in reality or if reality is closer to "Judging Amy" than how I live... I'm watching Judging Amy reruns now for about the fourth or fifth cycle; it's on every day down here from noon to 2:00, two back-to-back episodes, and it has retraced from the first episode to the last episode at least thrice now, and I believe this is the fourth time round. I never watched the show when it was current, I only discovered it in reruns. The Gray family is a lot more liberal and educated than my family... they reach out, have friends over for dinner pretty regularly, have the erudite and judicious answer to everything, everybody wants to be part of their family, and they eat supper late, like 7:30 or 8:00 it seems!

I realize this is sounding a lot disjointed... but that is so different from anything close to how I've lived. We were secretive and self-contained as a family growing up... I mean, how open does anybody want to be when the parents are both drunks? Nobody was allowed inside the house unless they had been invited (which almost never happened, even during holidays). We ate early, never as a family... I subsided on more pork 'n bean sammidges with mayo than I care to remember, doing my homework without nagging, bathing and caring for my personal needs at far too young an age, gingerly threading my way to my bedroom around broken glass, spilled or thrown food, and perhaps a passed out parent, depending on how far up the stairs they managed to get before passing out....

I look at these shows and wonder if anybody grew up like that, in a nucleus family where love and acceptance was the norm.

Funny, as an adult, my nucleus family still seems to wall itself off somewhat. Why is that? I like people, but I don't particularly want them around...I detest people "dropping by" or "dropping in" unannounced and would just as soon scurry to the back of the house and feign a nap than to invite somebody in. Is there a kernel of normalcy in my behavior or am I completely off the deep end?

Posted JDaaris @ 4:09 PM :: 4 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

I smelled the earth this morning

This will be brief... just hadda share this. I went out onto the porch this morning, 6:00 ayam, and could smell the earth... that's a rare occurrence here in Florida, reminded me of early summer in North Carolina where the sweet smell of the earth is fragrant every time you step outside. It simply flooded me with pleasant memories of summers in NC, staying with my beloved grandmother. Happy way to start the day.

Posted JDaaris @ 6:15 AM :: 4 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Who am I, and what am I doing here?

I've reached the point today where I realized that I'm being buffeted, pushed, pulled, tugged, shoved, bounced in several directions, none of which I wish to go... do you know what I mean?

A few of months ago I enjoyed reading, taking a walk now and again, blogging, writing.... none of which I'm doing. I've taken on projects, either work related or related to my profession; I'm working off the clock to get some things done at work, because I'm either being contacted after hours, or I have to do additional research (on my own time) to do that which is required. I'm probably not saying this very well... but somehow or other I feel that things, others, are all dictating my very existence. I've sat in front of the computer today, doing a project (for which I'm being paid), which I HATE. It's research... trying to "clean up" a current book in print which had no business being printed in the first place, and I'm finding that the corrections I'm having to make are all because the book wasn't done well to begin with (a reference book which is used heavily in my profession)... I spent 4 hours Thursday on it and didn't make much progress; more than 6 hours today, and based on that time frame, I will need to spend another 130 hours on it to get it "up to speed"... they want this "rough draft" completed by July 5th. Well, it's just not possible, and I came to realize that today. I needed to get a haircut, wanted to go to the library (though I'm not reading, so I don't know why) and perhaps see the outside of the house, but I didn't. I spent most of the danged day here in this office, either preparing to work on this project, or working on this project...

I sent 'em an "I quit" e-mail, and feel GUILTY AS HE-- because I could have made about $2500 (not until the project would be officially completed, end of February 2007). I can't afford to blow off that kind of money... so what do I do now? I just hope I haven't ruined my reputation with this particular company; I've done 2 other projects for them, and am getting ready to start a 3rd (which would have overlapped this one I hated); those projects I loved doing.... if I've ruined my reputation with 'em I just don't know what I'm going to do...

thanks for listening, I know I'm rambling... and feeling exceedingly sorry for myself and peeved with myself as well.

Posted JDaaris @ 5:28 PM :: 3 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Thursday, June 15, 2006

For your reading pleasure

This is not original, but it certainly is clever; thought I would share it with yall. Perhaps this weekend I'll actually post an original thought! :)

FOR LOVERS OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
A backward poet writes inverse.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before
Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
In democracy your vote counts; in feudalism your count votes.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted - It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
A midget fortuneteller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done

Posted JDaaris @ 8:27 AM :: 2 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

It ain't all about theme parks 'round here

Wish I could take credit for this clever piece...somebody e-mailed it to me, and I'm sharing it wid yall. More truth than fiction! :)

TO: Ex Floridians, present Floridians, future Floridans or those who know a Floridian

We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now, you're going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some radar blob out in the Gulf of Mexico and making two basic meteorological points:

(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.

Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one.''

Based on our experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:

STEP 1. Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least three days.

STEP 2. Put these supplies into your car.

STEP 3. Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Thanksgiving.

Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Florida.

We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:

HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance.

Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic requirements:

(1) It is reasonably well-built, and
(2) It is located in Nebraska.

Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business in the first place.

So you'll have to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop you like used dental floss.

Since Hurricane Andrew, I have had an estimated 27 different home-insurance companies. This week, I'm covered by the Bob and Big Stan Insurance Company, under a policy which states that, in addition to my premium, Bob and Big Stan are entitled, on demand, to my kidneys.

SHUTTERS: Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the doors, and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets. There are several types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages:

Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself, they're cheap. The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself, they will fall off.

Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.

Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have to sell your house to pay for them.

"Hurricane-proof'' windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so.
He lives in Nebraska.

"Hurricane Proofing Your Property: As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting relatives, etc.; you should, as a precaution, throw
these items into your swimming pool (if you don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles.

EVACUATION ROUTE: If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver's license; if it says "Florida" you live in a low-lying area.) The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.

HURRICANE SUPPLIES: If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them now! Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM.

In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies:

23 flashlights. At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the power goes out, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.

Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what The bleach is for. But it's traditional, so GET some!)

A 55-gallon drum of underarm deodorant.

A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.)

A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody who went through Andrew; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate alligators.)

$35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.

Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers
stand right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.

Good luck and remember: it's great living in paradise! Those of you who aren't here yet you should come. Really!

Posted JDaaris @ 3:47 PM :: 2 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Friday, June 09, 2006

Absurd/funny news... if ya need a laff

Hi all. The local NBC affiliate runs a section in their news called "irresistible headlines" and the stories behind 'em. Two of them caught my fancy today. I thought I'd share them with you. I'll be back tomorrow (Sat) and spend some time catching up with yall. ~ Anna

WEST MILFORD, N.J. -- At least one bear doesn't want to know Jack. Jack is a 10-year-old orange-and-white tabby in West Milford, N.J. And when the cat spotted the bear in a neighbor's yard earlier this week, the clawless kitty let the bear know who's boss.

The bear scurried up a tree and eyed the cat for 10 to 15 minutes, while Jack stared and hissed from the ground. The bruin inched its way down before jumping off and running away.
But Jack chased the bear into the brush and up another tree.
That's when Jack's owner realized what was happening and called her cat. The bear took off as Jack rubbed up against its owner and the neighbors.

Jack's owner, Donna Dickey, told The Star-Ledger of Newark Jack considers the area his turf and doesn't want anyone in his yard.

-----------------------

TAMPA, Fla. -- A federal judge, miffed at the inability of opposing attorneys to agree on even the slightest details of a lawsuit, ordered them to settle their latest dispute with a game of "rock, paper, scissors."

The argument was over a location to take the sworn statement of a witness in an insurance lawsuit.

In an order signed Tuesday, U.S. District Judge Gregory Presnell scolded both sides and ordered them to meet at a neutral location at 4 p.m. June 30 to play a round of the hand-gesture game often used to settle childhood disputes. If they can't agree on the neutral location, he said, they'll play on the steps of the federal courthouse.

The winner gets to choose the location for the witness statement.

Posted JDaaris @ 12:29 PM :: 3 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

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