Sunday, November 05, 2006
Getting that "holiday thing" a bit earlier this year
No matter how hard I try, I slip into some type of hermit/loner-type existence around the winter holidays. I love Halloween, I love the fall time of year, the air crisp in the morning, the particular smell of the earth as it prepares itself for winter.. yet, I can feel myself withdrawing as time marches toward Thanksgiving and Christmas. I fake the gaiety at the obligatory Christmas parties that I'm forced to attend.. or find some excuse to send my husband to them by himself. I love the hymns associated with this time in the Christian calendar and play them on my CD player when I'm by myself, but avoid the usual pageantry of the Christmas plays and dramas which are inevitably offered during this season. I've come to realize the reason I shop for Christmas all year long is because I can't bring myself to venture into the malls when the decorations come out in full swing. I detest seeing people in green and red-themed clothing and wouldn't be "caught dead" wearing the amusing seasonal jewelry in which others delight. I usually have a very "fun" and whimsical sense of humor and would be the first to don something silly at any other time of the year, yet I become almost angry during the last eight weeks of the calendar year. I can't stand decorating the Christmas tree ~ too many memories of childhood verbal abuse while doing it, I guess. Yet, I MUST have an amateurishly decorated Christmas tree during the holidays, one with lots of lights which I can gaze at for long periods of time in silence and the dark, with only the tree lit in all its child-like glory.
We recently bought a sectional, which obliterates any spare corner in our small living room. I've been agitated about the prospect of not having our decorated tree this year, to the point where we are feverishly rearranging the dining room so it can be placed in a small spot set aside in there.
I think I'm nuts, at least during this time of year. The pleasant memories of my daughter when she was young and "still believed" are not nearly as vivid as the harsh, sad memories of my own childhood.
I would like to break this cycle, I just don't know how.
Thanks for "listening."
Posted JDaaris @
10:53 AM ::
5 chocolate drops
Gimme some chocolate!
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