Saturday, December 31, 2005

Last 5-1/2 hours of 2005...

Well, it's been an unusual day, not my typical Saturday. I worked for an hour off the clock, felt like it was in the interest of patient care... I'm not worried about whether I get paid for it or not. Hubby and I sat down and set some household goals for 2006... we'll aim toward them anyway. He and I are not exactly on the same page when it comes to priorities, but we'll see what happens. I can't get too agitated about it one way or the other. Supper is on, sausage, cabbage and potato salad (probably sounds strange to most of you); I'm having ham, hoppin' john and green bean casserole tomorrow, though haven't bought the ham yet (guess I gotta do that, huh? :) The tree will come down tomorrow night or Monday morning, then sit forlornly on the curb with all the other discarded, once proud and pretty trees, only to be fodder for the local landfill... to me there's something poignant about seeing a recently glorious Christmas tree laying by the curb with a few icicles stubbornly clinging to its branches, with it still somewhat fragrant, needles still green... what once was is no longer. Makes me a little wistful and sad when I drive up the street seeing them all awaiting their final fate...

Posted JDaaris @ 4:21 PM :: 9 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Friday, December 30, 2005

Is today April Fool's Day?

I just noticed the headlines on our local TV station... tropical storm Zeta has formed in the Atlantic.... hello? We are a month past the end of hurricane season! I was thinking we were not supposed to play cruel jokes on each other at this time of year, April is four months away....

Posted JDaaris @ 12:09 PM :: 5 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Time passages...

Hi all. Guess it's getting close to reflecting on 2005 and welcoming 2006. The older I get the faster time moves; sometimes that's a good thing (my 9-hour work day!), sometimes not so good (since when did a weekend become only 12 hours long?) I'm going to re-read my list of things to accomplish for 2006 and probably print a copy and put it somewhere to remind me/encourage me, and only for me to see.

I'm also going to spend a little time savoring 2005 as it draws to a close. For instance, I started blogging this year, which has given me new friends and a wider perspective. I actually bought myself an oboe, something I would not have had the guts to accomplish had it not been for my blogging friends. I joined a new church, which I enjoy attending. I had a couple of magazine articles published, I participated in creating a educational module/book for my profession, and I was appointed to a county review board (a long-time goal, though I had to resign because of scheduling conflicts). As I list these, I'm actually starting to feel a little good about myself ~ usually only a fleeting experience. I'm optimistic, can't help myself.

Love and best wishes to my friends here... I hope you know I mean that. ~ Anna

Posted JDaaris @ 9:40 AM :: 3 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!



Thursday, December 29, 2005

Any plans for a New Year celebration?

I appreciate the ebay comments; I started out looking for vintage things and found a lot of things I was looking for; this latest fiasco probably makes only the 5th "deal gone sour" that I've had in more than 425 transactions, so I can't complain about the odds; I am annoyed, but I should have known better than to get a breadmaker on ebay. I usually get art work, T-shirts, vintage dishware, vintage games, that kind of thing. I got a gently used barn jacket for myself from there that I just love, interesting colors and in great shape. Ah well.

We have no plans for New Year's Eve, do any of you? I can't remember the last time we actually "partied" the year in...I have such a hard time staying awake, frankly, it doesn't seem worth the effort. I do get optimistic about this time every year about the things I want to change and improve upon. I made an appt to have my hair colored tomorrow; something I would not normally do, but something I have vowed to do for the new year.

Gotta get cracking at work; haven't had my first cup of java yet!

Posted JDaaris @ 3:08 AM :: 5 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Saga of the broken breadmaker

Hi all. I lodged a "dispute" with eBay over the breadmaker fiasco, mainly because I did not want to leave negative feedback for this girl (she being new to eBay), and also because she would not answer my e-mails... I will be satisfied if she returns the $35, in a money order, same as I sent to her. I want her to learn a lesson from this so that she will be an honest eBayer and not give anyone else the hassle/grief she has given us. I could have left her negative feedback, but I felt that not only would I not get my money returned, but she might in some way harrass me, either via the mail or through others at eBay (paranoid somewhat I guess), so I felt the best course of action was to utilize eBay as the go-between. She answered the eBay inquiry and said she would refund the $35 in full, this Friday ("this Friday" seems to be a favorite phrase of hers). I responded that I would only accept a money order (no checks), same as what I sent her. She steadfastly maintains the breadmaker was new, but I have the scratches and black marks on the kneading blade to indicate otherwise.... Oh well, lesson learned. I will take that $35 and add some to it, and get myself a breadmaker here somewhere.

2/3 of a cheesecake, about a dozen chocolate jumbles, and half the pound cake remain to be eaten. I believe we all are feeling like chipmunks with full cheeks...nobody really wants anymore sweets, yet they don't deserve the trash heap either. I'm craving a good, fresh salad (good grief, I've been possessed by another soul, that certainly can't be coming from me!)

Posted JDaaris @ 4:57 AM :: 4 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Better understanding today

Hey. I had a "serious" discussion with hubby yesterday. We had had breakfast, it was just the two of us drinking coffee, before starting projects, and I asked him, nicely, what made him buy me a ring, after all the past history of ring buying and the fact that I wanted a watch... he told me I had shown him a picture of a ring I admired ~ and I did ~ a "past, present, future" 3-stone ring... it was a generic picture, certainly not from the jeweler he chose to go, and certainly not for the price one would expect to pay; anyway, since they didn't have one of those rings, he decided to try and find something else. I guess I can see his reasoning... we can't afford a 3-stone ring for me, it's pure fantasy; I thought he understood this was a "wish list" type of thing that I would buy myself should we ever win the lottery, but I don't seriously entertain the idea of getting one. So, I'm feeling better about his lapse, and can understand it better. I've asked my daughter to keep an eye on his gift giving forays (for me), and urged her to dissuade him from buying rings for me in the future, should it come up...

Now we're wrestling with the decision of home improvement or not. We've refinanced the house once, have a low mortgage, and would like to add on another bedroom, return our garage to a garage (presently a bedroom and bath); I wish I could get an impartial (i.e., no vested interest in the outcome!) expert to tell me whether or not this makes sense for us...

Back to work today; things are feeling more normal, though I could get used to having the days to myself...to do with what I like rather than having my activities dictated to me by other circumstances (WORK!) :)

Posted JDaaris @ 5:49 AM :: 8 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Monday, December 26, 2005

Yesterday was like being with strangers...

in a way. Because Apos asked how it went, I'm continuing the Christmas tale, however, for the most part I won't mention it anymore after this. The mantel is not up, which is as I expected, unfortunately. Funny thing, I had mentioned the mantel many, many times; I also was looking at the Sunday ads a couple of Sundays past and mentioned that I liked one of the watches in a Macy's ad; I have loads of character watches from Disney, all of which I like and wear interchangably, however, for church I would like a dressier watch than Jiminy Cricket or Mickey & Minnie ice skating.... Hubby wanted to see the ad; I teased him and asked him which watch he thought I liked; he picked out something completely inappropriate, so I showed him the two that caught my eye, both were about $89.... I thought he might have gotten that for me for Christmas as well, especially after our daughter opened her gifts and pointedly asked him what he had gotten for me to open... he said they were still in the truck. I see the tiny package he brings and my heart sinks... he had gotten me some type of ring, that was obvious from the box. I have a lovely wedding ring, a dinner ring, a cameo, an emerald pinky ring, and my grandmother's engagement ring. I can't wear them all at one time, and I don't wear my rings in the house, frankly they are too cumbersome for me while working (typing), and I don't like to wear jewelry while cooking. He has had to return the last two rings he bought for me because I just don't want anymore rings. I opened the box because he expected me to; in there was a rather gaudy, not well made pinky cluster ring from a lower-end jeweler in town (we've never dealt with this business before, he doesn't have the best reputation). Hubby insisted that I handed him an ad with this ring and told him how much I liked it.... I don't even look at these ads, let alone ask for a ring. I'm wondering who has told him that and how he can get it so mixed up..... I was not kind in my remarks, unfortunately, mostly because I was hurt that after 31 years of marriage he knows me so little... I really wasn't angry but my tone was harsh.

I realized after a while that he thought I was angry. I went to him, told him how much I love him and what a wonderful guy I think he is ~ all true ~ and he very briefly sobbed in my arms and said nothing.

I think he may be having memory problems; I worry that he is getting Alzheimer's (symptoms start while in your 50s and he's there). I think I'm going to insist that he get a physical after the first of the year, and if there is some testing that can be done, I wish it done.

Yesterday was very bittersweet; it's not about the presents... I would rather have nothing to open and simply watch others open theirs; I wish my husband and daughter could understand that.

Sorry this is so long. Yesterday was a day I had just as soon put behind me.

Posted JDaaris @ 6:45 AM :: 5 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Merry Christmas, I'm headed for the porch swing

Just turned 7:00 a.m. and the sun has lightened the shadows, but has not arisen yet. I wrapped the last two gifts I had to wrap this morning, made coffee, fed the cats and am headed for the porch. Unfortunately, I got up to a really messy kitchen/living room, a mess which my hubby vowed would be cleaned up when I got up this morning. I'm not angry, because I know he intended to do what he said; the problem is, he is not and never has been someone I can depend on to do what he says. Neither is my daughter. I told hubby the only thing I wanted for Christmas is a mantle over the fireplace. We have a really nice brick fireplace, which has had no mantle now for 3-1/2 years. I fully expected to wake up to a brand new mantle... bet you can guess what I woke up to; this is usually the story of my Christmas. When hubby asks what I want, it is usually something done around here, in my home, a place where I spend a great deal of time. I can only remember one time when I woke up to find my request had come true. I'm struggling to hide my disappointment, hence, a session in the porch swing. The sunrise and the birds chirping can soothe my soul.

Posted JDaaris @ 7:04 AM :: 6 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Just posting pics



Just posting a pic of my cherry cheesecakes (EZ), and some chocolate jumble candies I made 'cuz my kid wanted me to.... I'm currrently cooking a 28-pound turkey for a friend whose oven isn't working; talk about a chore, I almost dropped the dang thing! Ah well...

Posted JDaaris @ 3:26 PM :: 6 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

The wonder of it all, good, bad and ugly




Hi all. The good news is that most of the shopping is completed, most of the packages are wrapped, I love the anemic, scraggly Christmas tree with its lights, breakfast is finished, dishes are washing in the dishwasher, I have all the ingredients I need to make a couple more pies, sugars cookies and a pound cake, and we're not completely broke (but working on it!). The bad news is that my adult daughter is cranky, hubby is running way behind, the "devil kitty" peed on my coffee filters and my long anticipated breadmaker arrived with its lid shattered, not unused as promised, and totally headed for the trash heap. The ugly is the picture I'm posting regarding the aforementioned breadmaker! Am I still fortunate? Yes. Am I still appreciative of all that I have? Yes. Do I wish I could afford to do more for others? Yes. Am I basically contented? Surprisingly, yes.

I'm posting a picture of our over priced, asymmetrical, gangly Christmas tree, the fractured/broken wanted but unusable breakmaker and the devil kitty who used our coffeemaker filters as her own private litter box.

Merry Christmas to yall. Apos, you are about 17 hours ahead of me here in Sunny Florida; you must be on the east coast of Australia? Girl, it's about 5:00 a.m. Christmas morning where you are, best I can tell; it's almost 11:00 a.m. here on Christmas Eve. The time zone differences and the difference in seasons still tend to fascinate me.

Posted JDaaris @ 10:53 AM :: 6 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!



Friday, December 23, 2005

Santa's cap and other observations

Hi all... I just noticed the Santa's cap on the homepage of Blogspot; cute, cute. Am I slow or what? So glad it's Friday; so glad we have the tree up and though it is a small, gangly, asymmetrical tree, a lot of its flaws are hidden when the lights are on...exactly opposite to me (i.e., of lot of my flaws are hidden when the lights are off!). There must be a lesson in that profound statement somewhere.... :) I'm hoping all who take the time to read this also have a safe, happy, stress-free, argument-free, hope-filled, wish-come-true Christmas.

I've been in a rather cranky mood the past couple of days, fussing, fuming, muttering under my breath about being let down, looking for something to complain about type of mind set since Wednesday. Gripe, gripe, gripe. To what end? All it does is create an invisible black cloud over my head and cause people to avoid talking to me... I've changed my mind set, since about 4:30 yesterday afternoon, and am trying/vowing to look on the brighter side. I can't control circumstances (though I might like to), but I can control how I react. That has been a hard concept for me to grasp. Someone like Denise, much younger than I, has had the maturity and wisdom to embrace that reality and not allow herself to get caught up in the drama for the most part. Denise, I salute you, I admire you, and think that you are a wonderful wife and mother; your husband is lucky to have you, your children have received a great advantage in life with you as their mother.

I salute my other friends on here as well. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my rather self-absorbed blog. I appreciate it.

Posted JDaaris @ 9:15 AM :: 6 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

No cooks in my family!

Well, thanks to Babs, I now have two traditional (one sinful) recipe for holiday meals or meals at other times... I got tot thinking how I don't have any recipes handed down to me, mainly because my mother did not know how to cook... she grew up as the spoiled only child in a household where my grandfather worked as an accountant/bookkeeper for a very wealthy man; hence, they had "help" in the household and cleaning and cooking were not required. They lived in the NYC area six months out of the year, and wintered in Central Florida for six months of the year. My grandmother (loved her dearly, she could do no wrong in my eyes) also came from a background where she had no recipes passed down to her, either. She was the youngest in a family of 13 children; her mother died while she was still in grade school, hence her older sister reared her. Her older sister spoiled her rotten and never showed her how to cook. Interestingly, when I would visit my great aunt with my grandmother, the meals were wonderful, old southern style cooking. Wish I would have had enough brains to gather some recipes from her, but I was still in grade school myself on these visits. My mother did cook for us, when sober, though not often; her meals left a lot to be desired. My husband was forced to eat her cooking early in our marriage while I was in the hospital for about 10 days, and he despised her cooking...

Funny how things work out. I like to cook, but stay pretty much within my comfort zone, mainly for lack of time, though once in awhile I'll try something new; works out about half the time.

Thanks for your support, Babs! Thanks for the kind words, Paul (Sooner). I appreciate the friends I have on this site, more than you realize.

Posted JDaaris @ 6:33 AM :: 4 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Keep thinking I'm done with the treats...

then I remember a recipe I've had in the past or something I want to make to give away, and fire the oven back up again, get out the beaters with an attitude, and pretend to know what I'm doing. I did make 4 cherry cheesecakes yesterday afternoon, the easy kind, 4 ingredients in a graham cracker crust, topped with cherry pie filling; they look pretty and taste darn good.. so I gave one to each neighbor on the side of us, and one to the family across the street, kept the fourth one for us, since I've never made for the hubby and daughter before... don't know why since it's such a simple recipe. I don't know what I'm fixing for Christmas.. we enjoyed the turkey and trimmings so much at T'Giving I'm thinking of repeating the menu, especially since I now have the honey wheat rolls recipe down to being workable. I get recipes off allrecipes.com, and some of them are nothing but a waste of time. It puzzles me when I pull in a highly rated recipe and find out the end result is inedible. I'm not so cooking challenged that I can't read and follow a recipe (for the most part)... I'm better off getting my recipes from friends I know can cook...

At least there are only three more days until Friday... then two 3-day weekends in a row. Is that a piece of heaven, or what? :)

Posted JDaaris @ 6:39 AM :: 8 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Plea for info, please

Much as I hate to post twice in one day, I was wondering if any of you have experience with a tankless water heater/hot water on demand water heater? We're thinking of making the investment and buying one for the house, but I'd like to have some insight from somebody/anybody who may have one?? Thanks very much.

Posted JDaaris @ 9:13 AM :: 2 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

I hear the symphony starting...

as I work on my book project (professional education module), here in my office. Through the open window I can hear the birds "tuning" up as the shadows of night start to lighten ever so slightly. I've been awake since 4:30; up since about 4:45 (bladder time!); but then, I went to bed at 7:33 last night. I have to go to bed when I start nodding off while watching TV; seems so stupid to fight the fatigue and the need to sleep by staying up, no matter what society might dictate (i.e., who goes to bed at 7:30 at night on a Saturday!!!???) I'm a morning person... an early morning person, and I like to hear and see the sights of night time giving way to the daylight. As the shadows lighten, and as the weather is currently rather mild, I'm beckoned to the front porch, to sit on the swing, to watch the shadows fade, hear the birds greet the morning, glad that the rain has stopped, and watch the squirrels' antics as they chase one another on the oak tree near the corner of the house. The promise is that of a new day, having wiped the slate clean from whatever yesterday's disappointments, pseudo-disasters and harsh thoughts may have been. I can't delay, the shadows are fading faster now...

Posted JDaaris @ 7:02 AM :: 3 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!



Saturday, December 17, 2005

List of goals/"things to do" in 2006

Hi all. I have published this list elsewhere as well, but I'm putting it in here as a reminder to myself about things that need changing and goals that I can have for myself for 2006. Of course it really does not scratch the surface for improvements I need to make, but I can't make a list which overwhelms me to the point of inertia! :) Here goes:

THINGS I WANT TO DO OR IMPROVE ON IN 2006:
  1. Learn to say no when I'd rather not do something.
  2. Improve my physical well being.
  3. Say less than I know.
  4. Reserve judgment, even when I think I'm right.
  5. Take cooking classes in Italian cuisine.
  6. Practice my oboe at least three times a week.
  7. Start writing a novel, doggedly focus on writing 5 pages a week.
  8. De-clutter.
  9. Learn to use my Cuisinart.
  10. Watch less TV.
  11. Make one new friend.
  12. Think about work less.
  13. Worry less. God promises to meet my needs, He is in charge, remember that!
  14. Eat breakfast out once a month.
  15. Socialize more with couples in our SS class.
  16. Redo my wardrobe: get rid of clothes I don't wear, yet think I will someday.
  17. Let somebody else color my hair; make it an item in the budget and don't waver.
  18. Find my charity work niche.
  19. Voice my opinions more with regard to city/county politics; perhaps join an action group.
  20. Love myself. . .or at least try.

Posted JDaaris @ 2:44 PM :: 3 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Friday, December 16, 2005

What happened to the time?

Okay, I left the house this morning around 11:08 a.m., going to the Christmas luncheon at Steak and Ale starting at 11:30. The service was excruciatingly slow; we didn't leave until 2:15, though it was supposed to break up at 1:30... I took a coworker home and we exchanged gifts with one another (we are fond of each other, though worlds apart). She gave me a very neat purple cat plate that says "Feline Groovy" ~ just whimsical enough to appeal to me. I gave her a tea set that was contemporary enough to appeal to her... a success. We chatted, had tea, her husband came home, we chatted some more, and I simply have a delightful afternoon, delightful. I haven't had a relaxing, unexpectedly delightful visit with somebody in their home in I don't know how long... I think I may put that on my list of things to strive for in 2006; even coming home in nightmarish traffic didn't dim my glow from the afternoon. I can't believe it's now 5:30 and I've only been home about 15 minutes.... hadda get the danged bra off and put on something comfortable. I gotta work tomorrow, but, I'll think about that later. I'm off to our Friday night routine as soon as hubby gets back from walking the Punk dog. Hope your day was as nice as mine has been.

Posted JDaaris @ 5:32 PM :: 3 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Almost Friday, and the sun is out

We are supposed to have a cloudy, gloomy day here, but I haven't seen any sign of it so far...the sun is shining outside and the temperature is mild. I feel badly for the people in Western NC, Eastern Tennessee (Denise, you okay?) and parts of extreme western South Carolina where they are supposedly suffering from an ice storm. I don't miss the ice from the two years I lived in North Carolina, but I do miss the beauty and tranquility of watching snow falling at night with only the porch light lit. I can remember vividly seeing little spits of snow jerkily falling down, rather like the hesitant first steps of a baby; I also remember when snow would fall in a steady stream, watching it from the window with only the porch light on, and the incredible silence. It was beautiful and I never tired of watching through the window at the falling snow; same mesmerizing feeling I get watching the flames in the fireplace. Wonder why such sights sooth? Is it a primal thing, I wonder? I'd like to take a brief vacation somewhere where it's snowing, just to recapture the beauty of the scenery. Wouldn't mind having an old-fashioned snowball fight, either.

Posted JDaaris @ 12:48 PM :: 5 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

At what point do I quit apologizing?

Okay, I had a run in with my adult daughter this morning; she ranted and raved at me while I was working (I work at home, she was getting ready to go to work); she can be hostile and aggressive verbally, sometimes physically; I live with it. She called me later in the morning on the phone to "apologize" but she always offers an explanation for her popping off... that ain't an apology, it's just more of an excuse to rant at me. I have apologized for any real or imagined mistakes I made in rearing her ~ and I made them. However, my intent was never anything but good toward her, and still is. I talked too much when I should have kept quiet; I was quiet when I should have protested; I sacrificed to try and give her the best we could afford, tried to make her feel loved, secure, and safe. I failed; my husband, her father, and I both failed. It wasn't for lack of trying. I have apologized specifically and generally for my child rearing mistakes. I don't feel like apologizing any more... at what point can I quit apologizing? My feeling is, she is an adult, GET OVER IT. Whatever she thinks I'm responsible for in her life, is done and now she needs to move on. I'm weary.

Posted JDaaris @ 3:47 PM :: 5 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

A lonely older lady

Our SS class is having a Christmas party and "white elephant" gift exchange Saturday from 4:00 to 9:00 (I can't imagine the party lasting that long). I've been assigned to make a corn dish. I don't have any special corn dishes, so I've been soliciting corn recipes from co-workers who I know can cook... anyway, got an e-mail from the class leader's wife yesterday. Seems there is an older lady in our class who lives in a nursing home and depends on a neighbor to bring her to class and church on Sundays. She is alone and very lonely. The nursing home takes all her SS check except for $30 a month, which is her spending money (how unrealistic is that?) The leader's wife is collecting Christmas cards for this lady and asked that we put a little cash in a card (if we're comfortable with it, there is never any pressure) and she is going to take a gift basket to this lady along with the cards, a little closer to Christmas. I worry about the old folks in nursing homes who have no family, or family that never visits (which is worse in my opinion). It must be even tougher on them to watch these sappy commercials about family togetherness at the holidays, and all the blah, blah... I don't think the retailers could ever be convinced to simply stop advertising during the holidays and promote helping and providing for one another instead, do you? Heard on the local news here that the Salvation Army "angel trees" are about 10,000 children/gifts short this year! Last year they collected about 56,000 gifts for children in need, this year, it hasn't even come close to that many. Ya know, I don't really care about getting anything this time of year, never have for a long time; I think it's more blessed to give than to receive, and besides, all my basic needs are met, what more do I need?

Posted JDaaris @ 3:09 AM :: 2 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!



Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Wrapping some presents

Am getting ready to wrap the gifts we got for that teenage boy (14) who is living in a group home. I think I may have mentioned that we plucked his name off an "angel" Christmas tree in the lobby of the grocery store. He's a big, tall, overweight 14-year-old boy who is in a group home right now trying to get his life back on track. Surprisingly, he didn't ask for a whole lot.. we got him a lava lamp, a baseball cap, a T-shirt and a portable CD player. I hope he likes his stuff; I hope we can make a small difference for him during this holiday season. I wish I could have done four or five more; teenagers are just not as "lovable" and photogenic as the smaller children, they sometimes fall through the cracks. I was glad we got an older boy to buy for this year.

I do hate wrapping presents, dunno why, guess because I lack the artistry ability to make the packages pretty; eh, the wrapping gets ripped up pretty quickly anyway...

Posted JDaaris @ 12:08 PM :: 5 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Monday, December 12, 2005

Blubbering old fool

Well, I was sitting in the livingroom yesterday afternoon, watching the Food Network (I love to watch some of those shows, especially the cake and candy contests, the gingerbread contest, some of the Christmas shows). Paula Dean was on celebrating an old-fashioned southern Christmas. She had her boys in the kitchen with her, was chatting away at their holiday traditions and how she is continuing what her mama and grandmama used to do, and I just lost it. Started crying like a stuck pig. The only Christmas traditions I got from my family were parents getting drunk, slapping the kids around for not giving thoughtful Christmas gifts, passing out in the middle of the livingroom, or more inventively, on the landing between the staircases, and eating canned pork 'n beans on a slice of bread 'n mayonnaise as a holiday meal.

My family now, hubby, daughter and me, are still pretty dysfunctional; we share the same last name and that's all, it seems like. We pick and prod at one another, or ignore one another if it's the three of us in the same room. How did we get this way? I just don't know. I'm not even sure why we go through the motions. I can't face another Christmas without at least a decorated tree in the livingroom. We've had Christmases in the past where we haven't even decorated a tree, and that makes me even more glum. I can feel my emotions just underneath the surface, either angry or sad... wish I could just get over it.

Posted JDaaris @ 7:26 AM :: 6 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Guess what I'm having for breakfast with coffee



Hi all. Pumpkin bread with cream cheese filling on the left, sugar cookies with butter cream frosting thinned with cherry juice on the right. The sugar cookie recipe is the tried and true one in the Betty Crocker cookbook (sugar cookies deluxe). I didn't roll them out to do cut-outs, I simply let the dough refrigerate for about an hour, then rolled a large teaspoonful of dough into a ball, then flattened them somewhat with a fork; cooked 'em for 6 to 8 minutes, and voile, they turned out perfectly! I feel "redeemed" more than anything, frankly, after that fudge fiasco.

It's early here, I've been awake since 4:30 (bladder time!). I thought I'd check on here, maybe browse e-bay for something I don't need, then get showered and venture onto church. The Sundays I don't want to be there are usually the days which I need to be there the most. This week and next week are the last two Sundays of the year for class, we won't meet again until January 8th. I doubt that we'll go to Christmas service, or New Year's either, for that matter, but I would like to go to the Christmas Eve candlelight service, there's something pretty and ethereal about that.

I saw a tag line on Yahoo! before coming on here that said the "Baby Boomer Legacy is in Doubt." I didn't bother to read the article, but can't imagine to what it refers; I'm a baby boomer, and don't give a fig about my generation's legacy as a whole; I'm probably not all that concerned about my own. I do care, however, how people remember me. I would like to be remembered as somebody kind and helpful; perhaps even remembered with a smile or chuckle. That's better than the alternative, in my opinion.

Take care all.

Posted JDaaris @ 4:53 AM :: 2 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Bad mood, bad mood, whatja gonna do?

I think I could sing "bad mood, bad mood, whatja gonna do?" to the theme from Cops over and over and over again. Good grief, this time of year just brings out the worst in me, disposition-wise. It didn't help that I had to work this morning and the system was not operating at peak performance, it doesn't help that nobody else around here is working, it doesn't help that I'm getting stupid phone calls that others should be answering, but the rest of the family seems to have disappeared into the woodwork without having the decency to tell me they're leaving the house... ah, Christmas time in Dysfunctionalville!

I had to resign from the advisory board from which I had been appointed just recently (county/city board) because the meetings are all in the morning, several times a month, and there is no way I can attend... oh well. I've applied for another advisory board with the city, this time investigating complaints against government employees---heh, heh right up my alley (perverse grin).

The "beaters with a beat" are lying on the countertop in the kitchen, all clean now, and challenging me to give 'em a workout with a bit of stiff sugar cookie dough-- do I succumb to the temptation? How 'bout I simply whip up a batch of butter cream frosting and eat it in the bowl? I can make that with a whisk, which is a much more dignified kitchen utensil anyway... it certainly never has a mind of its own and takes off to do the salsa!

Update at 11:00

Posted JDaaris @ 8:59 AM :: 3 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Friday, December 09, 2005

Blathering about nuttin

Oh my gosh, after two days of drizzle and gloom, I see the sun trying to peek out; that tends to lift the blues, just by having the sun shows it's little face! :)

Why is it there always has to be a "good cop-bad cop" mentality in the work environment, or is that not the case everywhere? I have an immediate boss who is very hard nosed (and not the brightest light on the tree...); I have a boss above her with whom I have a great relationship, who is much more humane, easier to approach, and less apt to let you know she is irritated than the immediate boss.... problem is, NB (nice boss) is completely snowed by HN (hardnose). She never sees the same side we underlings do... and even if we all told her in a chorus, she wouldn't believe it. Anyway, we had an edict made that if we wanted any time off during the holiday season the request slips (official forms, mind you) had to be turned in by some date in September. As a matter of course, I asked for all the holidays off, figuring that if I ended up working one of them, it would be fine (they are always looking for extra coverage), but at least I would be scheduled off. A couple of my co-workers did not put the requests in "on time." Now there are several people being forced to work December 26th and January 2nd because they missed the deadline. NB is out until January 3rd; HN is in charge and she plans to wield the whip.

I feel bad for some of these people, they have children and families to tend to... guess it's a hard lesson to learn... I don't feel badly enough, however, to offer to work for any of 'em! (Does that make me a creep or what?) I would in a pinch, if somebody asked me to.

BTW, the fudge tastes great. My daughter called me yesterday afternoon while I was in a meeting begging to be allowed to cut it. I figured, what the hey, what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her.... well, she loved it. It's about half gone. I'm still never doing it again, I will find every way I can to make fudge an easier way... found a tiny little blob of dark brown as I made coffee this morning... wedged between the coffee maker and toaster oven... a testimony to the "Dance of the Beaters" (I can hear the Nutcracker Suite now, but it would have to be to the tune of the Chinese dance, not the Waltz of the Flowers!:)

Posted JDaaris @ 1:10 PM :: 5 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Thursday, December 08, 2005

I burned my apron

The kitchen is a disaster.. the fudge did not turn out. I'm throwing out the candy thermometer, put the apron in the fireplace, and am through trying to pretend that I can make candy.

I dropped the dang mixer while trying to mix the fudge for the last ten minutes of prep time (mixing in the pecans and cherries, until the gloss was gone). The mixer danced across the counter top (probably glad to be out of my hand!) and sprayed and splattered fudgey material the consistency of cold Karo syrup on every surface imaginable. I had splatters on the floor and ceiling, on the toaster oven, the coffee pot, both arms, one cheek, glasses, bangs, outside of the pot itself, and even the mini blinds. And I thought cookies were a headache? :)

I'm out of the cooking mood.... will only make cakes from now on, and that will be with recipes I'm familiar with.

'Scuse me while I head to the shower...

Posted JDaaris @ 11:54 AM :: 2 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Cooking fudge, we'll see

Yea, I guess my themes lately have been either griping about work, home life, or cooking. Am I dull, or what? I took another half day off today (I will regret that, but what the hey), to try my hand at cooking old-fashioned fudge. I found my candy thermometer, figured out how to attach it (what an idiot), and stood at the stove for the past 40 minutes cooking and boiling cocoa, milk, sugar, salt, to see if I can get fudge out of that concoction. I'm adding pecans and blotted cherries cut in quarters; I sure hope this turns out, I find it easier than cooking loads of cookies in batches in and out of the oven (I don't know why, but I just can't stand baking cookies...) If this turns out, I'll make another batch Sunday for the work crowd on Monday. Then, that is enough. If it doesn't turn out, then we'll eat it with a spoon around here (we don't care what it looks like if its chocolate!)

Posted JDaaris @ 9:42 AM :: 2 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!



Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Mid week, thankfully

Does your bubblegum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight? Lord, I don't know why that popped into my head! I spent some time just chilling out yesterday, then hubby built a fire in the fireplace as it got cooler (60 degrees!) and I enjoyed watching that; it was a beautiful fire. I love to lose myself in thought, dreams, ponderings while watching the flames; then later, as the fire dissipates into smoldering embers and I like to watch it slowly put itself out.

I spent some time perusing through some of my favorite cookbooks (I favor the community cookbooks put together by the women's clubs, local charities, over the professional books; you can usually find so many interesting and good recipes). I'm making either a sour cream pound cake or a chocolate chip pound cake for work, as well as making them some chocolate covered cherry cookies, and that's it. I stressed and stressed over this, because I didn't know how I was going to get them down there, and I wanted to take them today, however, one of the bosses is working from home today, so I stressed and stressed how I could get them over there Thursday since I have appointments to go to... then decided, hey, I'll have hubby drop them off EARLY before he goes to work. There's somebody there who works the grave yard shift and she can put the goodies out for everybody. Then I done. I'm not doing this with the proper frame of mind, I've gotten to the point of really resenting one of the persons with whom I work, but it never hurts to create the illusion of "good will" even when you don't have it, does it?

We've yet to buy and decorate a tree, I think that may be on tap for next week, as I like to keep it up until the 1st of January; since we get a real cut tree I always think it's better to put it up later so it won't be so dried out by the 1st. I guess we'll start moving furniture around to best accommodate the tree, as the livingroom is so small, and so packed with furniture we have to usually relegate a chair or ottoman to another room.

I gotta have my first cup of coffee now. Take care all.

Posted JDaaris @ 3:01 AM :: 5 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Wuz in such a better mood yesterday, but

this morning has started out on the wrong foot again. I couldn't get the internet connection up and running, started work a little bit late on account of that, had to use dial up (I'm glad to have that as a backup but it's so slow!). Then, I have to endure my daughter screeching and screaming at me again..while I'm working and trying to help her out.. She had a huge blowout this weekend with her father, and he dramatically "kicked" her out of the house; as soon as she apologized, however, all is forgiven ~ as it should be ~ however, I'm always suspicious about apologizing for behavior which is repeated over and over and over again. How sincere is the apology? I'm not working, called in sick; I'm going to regret that come payday, but I need to regroup mentally.

We've "adopted" a 14-year-old boy in a shelter to provide Christmas for, which I'm enjoying. Teenagers aren't "fun" for people to provide for, so I'm glad to have the opportunity to brighten his Christmas. I'm hoping I can get some feedback if he liked his things, though I would not want to meet him or have him know who we are. Focusing on that will help brighten my frame of mind.

I'm sorry to post such "sour grapes" three or four days in a row. I normally like to write about the funnier side of life, just can't bring myself to do that today, though I will tell you that I woke up yesterday to an awful smell which I ended up tracing to the kitchen and a brand new box of off-brand dryer sheets hubby Pete had bought! I had to relegate them to the porch, I couldn't stand the aroma (like very cheap aftershave with a lot of alcohol in it). I'm particular about the scents of our detergent, soap, that kind of thing, cuz some of that stuff drives me nuts and smells unpleasant to me. Seems there are a lot of "closet" soap sniffers around ~ I met one in the aisle of the grocery store this past Saturday, with both of us furtively sniffing and uncapping detergents, soap and dryers sheets until we found just the right scent. I was comforted to know I was not the only looney tune out there! :)

Posted JDaaris @ 7:57 AM :: 2 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Monday, December 05, 2005

Do you every wish for change...

but don't have any idea what it is exactly you want changed? I don't know if it is the time of year, or the job, the stress at home right now (hubby is forgiven by now, of course, for the litter box neglect), a combination of all of them, or simply the fact that I'm nuts, but I yearn for some type of major lifestyle change, but I'm not sure what. I watch travel shows, the Food Network (especially like seeing Sandra Pinckney visiting interesting places), see other areas of our country, and dream about living elsewhere. I guess somehow in my pea brain I think that would eliminate some of my problems. Of course, it would add different problems, but I don't think about that when I'm admiring the scenery of New Hampshire, Tennessee, North Carolina, the pacific coast... I'm feeling restless, yet I don't leave the house. I'm feeling personally dissatisifed and overwhelmed, yet I do nothing productive to change it.

Venting again, sorry 'bout that, but I'm interested to see if others have the same feelings of wanting change but not knowing what to change?

Posted JDaaris @ 6:22 AM :: 3 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Not in the mood to be a hypocrit today, perhaps tomorrow

Hi all. Wonder why I can look at my husband of over 30 years this morning and actually detest the sight of his face? I'm quite irritated at him and it's Sunday morning (naturally); we usually go to SS and church together, but I'm just not in the mood to pretend I like him today. I'll regret it, I know...I woke up to the litter box for the cat missing from its usual spot. We have three cats and three litter boxes. I have asked him for two days to change the one in the bathroom (his job by his choice). Well, it was missing this morning. Not only that, the box left on the front porch for one of the cats was out there, but he left the screen door shut so that it could not be accessed. That left one litter box for three cats... which ain't gonna fly with them, they will not share the same box. I found the missing litter box on the porch, just left in front of the door, NOT EMPTIED OR CLEANED. It's a constant and stupid battle. I've told him over and over again, to simply tell me he doesn't want the responsibility and I'll do it myself. I cannot stand a dirty, smelly litter box, and neither can the cats. Such a stupid, stupid thing to be irritated over. He never apologizes; he said he planned to take care of it this morning, it did not need to be emptied and cleaned last night. Why can't he simply admit he forgot? Why does he have to always be right, his opinion matter more than mine? I can't look at him right now, I just want to spit in his face (gosh, what an awful knee jerk reaction is that? And I call myself a Christian? I detest the vehemency of my own anger over this issue). I had to share my anger right now, don't pay attention to me. I just want to get him out of the house for awhile and drown my sorrows in some decadent coffee flavor, which, of course, I don't have (White Christmas from Barnies coffee sounds good to me right now...) I'll probably end up deleting this, it's so stupid.

Posted JDaaris @ 6:34 AM :: 4 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Living in the background this month

Hi all. I'm still stunned about Toon (Barb) and her tragic news. There is just so much sadness, too much of it for this time of year, which is why I prefer to live in the background, in the shadows of the season, rather than being "out there" and in it.

I've shared before that this is a difficult time of year for me; I have mostly unpleasant memories of Christmas, since childhood, which seem to overwhelm any happy Christmases I had when my daughter was small. I try to throw myself into work or providing presents/food for a needy family or two, so I can spend less time with my memories. It's peculiar how a new sad memory will pop in from time to time, something I had buried a long time ago and would just as soon leave buried. I worry about the children of alcoholics, drug addicts, and abusers this time of year. The sights and sounds they hear in the world don't equate to their reality at home. I wish every child knew the selfless love of a parent; even a warm and nonjudgmental hug from a stranger helps a child in an abusive home.

I volunteered as a guardian ad litem investigator/assistant for this county a few years back; the lawyers in this county go to court as the child's advocate, the investigator does all the background checking/home visits/interviews. I remember vividly getting a call from the local bar association asking me if I could go on an emergency visit. The child was in the intensive care unit. He was less than 2 years old. His stepmother had "systematically tortured" him, according to the doctor I interviewed. The child had cigarette burns up and down his arms; step-mom had placed his hands either on the floor or on some sort of surface and stomped/pounded them until every bone in each little hand was broken. Blessedly, the child was not awake when I visited him. I did the preliminary on this, but I did not have the fortitude to stay on the case. I've not done any volunteer work again in that sector for a long time. I frequently wonder what happened to that little boy, and if he ever had the opportunity to know the love of a parent.

I'm sorry, this is a lousy way to start the weekend, I'm mostly lost in thought this morning. Too cold to visit the porch swing; perhaps I'll start a fire and gaze at that for awhile. Take care all.

Posted JDaaris @ 4:47 AM :: 4 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Friday, December 02, 2005




The Friday Dance, TGIF. ~ Anna

Posted JDaaris @ 3:11 PM :: 6 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

Chewing the same bone today...

Eh, you may want to just skip reading this, it's mostly still lamenting and wailing about work. I got a rather curt and defensive e-mail this morning from my immediate boss who "stepped on my toes" yesterday. She claims now to have "corrected" the mistake I made to a more logical setup, and wishes to speak to me at my evaluation session, with the "big" boss regarding it. Fine, I think that another party needs to be involved, and think I can hold my own in this particular discussion. However, this woman, in the meantime, can make my life miserable. She can refuse any requests I make for time off, she can see to it that I do less appealing work, she can pretty much treat me any way she wishes until the tete-a-tete in January. I'm pretty nonplussed about this. I'm mulling over my options.

I think for the time being I will continue to be nice, accommodating, and act as if she has not threatened me. At least for the time being she will not be intefering in my area. Guess that's a small victory.

Thanks for listening. I'm glad the weekend is here, but that blossom is only at half bloom rather than fully exploded, if you know what I mean.

Posted JDaaris @ 7:13 AM :: 3 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!



Thursday, December 01, 2005

Venting!!!!!

Work was "pukey" today; skirted around losing my cool with my immediate boss because she changed something that is strictly my responsibility, not only without telling me it had been done, but at no one's request, simply because she did not agree with the way I had set it up. Hey, I set things up the way I'm told to, whether I agree or not. I pretty much told her that if she wants to be responsible for what I do, then have at it, but I'm not going to take any grief from any of the doctors if things are changed to suit her and they get irritated about it.... This probably doesn't make a lot of sense. I need to walk away from this right now. Just appreciate you letting me unload here... perhaps that will expedite me calming down.

Posted JDaaris @ 1:33 PM :: 3 chocolate drops

Gimme some chocolate!

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