Monday, June 26, 2006
Feeling disconnected
OK, so I'm feeling disconnected... I'm beginning to wonder if I'm living in reality or if reality is closer to "Judging Amy" than how I live... I'm watching Judging Amy reruns now for about the fourth or fifth cycle; it's on every day down here from noon to 2:00, two back-to-back episodes, and it has retraced from the first episode to the last episode at least thrice now, and I believe this is the fourth time round. I never watched the show when it was current, I only discovered it in reruns. The Gray family is a lot more liberal and educated than my family... they reach out, have friends over for dinner pretty regularly, have the erudite and judicious answer to everything, everybody wants to be part of their family, and they eat supper late, like 7:30 or 8:00 it seems!
I realize this is sounding a lot disjointed... but that is so different from anything close to how I've lived. We were secretive and self-contained as a family growing up... I mean, how open does anybody want to be when the parents are both drunks? Nobody was allowed inside the house unless they had been invited (which almost never happened, even during holidays). We ate early, never as a family... I subsided on more pork 'n bean sammidges with mayo than I care to remember, doing my homework without nagging, bathing and caring for my personal needs at far too young an age, gingerly threading my way to my bedroom around broken glass, spilled or thrown food, and perhaps a passed out parent, depending on how far up the stairs they managed to get before passing out....
I look at these shows and wonder if anybody grew up like that, in a nucleus family where love and acceptance was the norm.
Funny, as an adult, my nucleus family still seems to wall itself off somewhat. Why is that? I like people, but I don't particularly want them around...I detest people "dropping by" or "dropping in" unannounced and would just as soon scurry to the back of the house and feign a nap than to invite somebody in. Is there a kernel of normalcy in my behavior or am I completely off the deep end?
Posted JDaaris @
4:09 PM ::
4 chocolate drops
Gimme some chocolate!
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