Saturday, June 17, 2006
Who am I, and what am I doing here?
I've reached the point today where I realized that I'm being buffeted, pushed, pulled, tugged, shoved, bounced in several directions, none of which I wish to go... do you know what I mean?
A few of months ago I enjoyed reading, taking a walk now and again, blogging, writing.... none of which I'm doing. I've taken on projects, either work related or related to my profession; I'm working off the clock to get some things done at work, because I'm either being contacted after hours, or I have to do additional research (on my own time) to do that which is required. I'm probably not saying this very well... but somehow or other I feel that things, others, are all dictating my very existence. I've sat in front of the computer today, doing a project (for which I'm being paid), which I HATE. It's research... trying to "clean up" a current book in print which had no business being printed in the first place, and I'm finding that the corrections I'm having to make are all because the book wasn't done well to begin with (a reference book which is used heavily in my profession)... I spent 4 hours Thursday on it and didn't make much progress; more than 6 hours today, and based on that time frame, I will need to spend another 130 hours on it to get it "up to speed"... they want this "rough draft" completed by July 5th. Well, it's just not possible, and I came to realize that today. I needed to get a haircut, wanted to go to the library (though I'm not reading, so I don't know why) and perhaps see the outside of the house, but I didn't. I spent most of the danged day here in this office, either preparing to work on this project, or working on this project...
I sent 'em an "I quit" e-mail, and feel GUILTY AS HE-- because I could have made about $2500 (not until the project would be officially completed, end of February 2007). I can't afford to blow off that kind of money... so what do I do now? I just hope I haven't ruined my reputation with this particular company; I've done 2 other projects for them, and am getting ready to start a 3rd (which would have overlapped this one I hated); those projects I loved doing.... if I've ruined my reputation with 'em I just don't know what I'm going to do...
thanks for listening, I know I'm rambling... and feeling exceedingly sorry for myself and peeved with myself as well.
Posted JDaaris @
5:28 PM ::
3 chocolate drops
Gimme some chocolate!
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