Monday, December 12, 2005
Blubbering old fool
Well, I was sitting in the livingroom yesterday afternoon, watching the Food Network (I love to watch some of those shows, especially the cake and candy contests, the gingerbread contest, some of the Christmas shows). Paula Dean was on celebrating an old-fashioned southern Christmas. She had her boys in the kitchen with her, was chatting away at their holiday traditions and how she is continuing what her mama and grandmama used to do, and I just lost it. Started crying like a stuck pig. The only Christmas traditions I got from my family were parents getting drunk, slapping the kids around for not giving thoughtful Christmas gifts, passing out in the middle of the livingroom, or more inventively, on the landing between the staircases, and eating canned pork 'n beans on a slice of bread 'n mayonnaise as a holiday meal.
My family now, hubby, daughter and me, are still pretty dysfunctional; we share the same last name and that's all, it seems like. We pick and prod at one another, or ignore one another if it's the three of us in the same room. How did we get this way? I just don't know. I'm not even sure why we go through the motions. I can't face another Christmas without at least a decorated tree in the livingroom. We've had Christmases in the past where we haven't even decorated a tree, and that makes me even more glum. I can feel my emotions just underneath the surface, either angry or sad... wish I could just get over it.
Posted JDaaris @
7:26 AM ::
6 chocolate drops
Gimme some chocolate!
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