Friday, April 28, 2006
Faded negatives and old papers..
are sitting on the porch right now, having resided in a forgotten corner of the family room. Funny how pieces of my father's, mother's, grandparents' lives are reduced to old letters and documents in a cardboard "drawer" on the porch..beckoning me to probe into the past, repelling me as well with interspersed photographs of people I never knew. The public face of my mother became less and less familiar to me as she aged and slipped into a perpetual state of partial inebriation. Her photographs almost strike me as being those of a stranger; I even found an early photo of me, probably in my early 20s, and wondered if I actually was ever that person, or just cleverly disguised as the gal smiling with her parents. The pictures don't seem real to me. I don't seem real to me either, sometimes.
The porch discoveries have ignited an urge in me to trace my family roots. I'll never have the opportunity to know the people who begat the woman my mother became...I'll never know what was done to her which made her the venomous person she became... but I know in my bones something or someone influenced her to spiral down... I just think this is something I must do; I don't know why, but perhaps I will know someday.
Thanks for "listening" ~ I'm just trying to gather my thoughts into a cogency which I don't think I managed to do... :)
Posted JDaaris @
10:21 AM ::
3 chocolate drops
Gimme some chocolate!
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